Disappointment

Disappointment has to be the yuckiest feeling ever. As a kid, the worst punishment my parents could ever give me was a simple "I'm disappointed in you." No grounding, spanking, or any other guilt needed. I recently lost a new watch, and that "kick yourself in the ass feeling" is really just a form of disappointment. Kids coming home to a clean house, and wrecking it in five minutes...Total Disappointment.

But watching your kids go through disappointment-that's even worse than yucky. It's knot-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach yucky. Madison recently had a series of her first real disappointments. She competed in UIL Creative Writing for the first time. She was so nervous the day of the competition, but I pumped her up, told her not to worry, have fun, and try her best. She was proud of the story she'd written, and was sure the judges would love it. She placed 4th. Not quite the 1st Place she'd been hoping for, but our ooos and aawwws boosted her mood. She also tried out for a singing contest at her elementary school, and practiced all week to be confident in her performance. She didn't make the initial cut, and Tanner did. This time, she was devastated. I let her crawl into my lap and cry, and we talked about the courage it took to do both contests. We talked about "doing your best," and "having fun in the process." We talked about some of my own disappointments this month, and how to use these lemons to make lemonade. We talked about "God's Plan" and Fate. We talked about all the other fun things she can do well. We talked and talked, but ultimately I just wanted to take away that yucky feeling. I know there will be failures and disappointments all through the coming years, and I know that's an important part of growing up. I also know what a beating those disappointments can be, and how they can start to wear on your Spirit. Madison's Spirit is so strong-so intense, and parenting that Spirit has been challenging for this Mom-to say the least. But of course, I love that Spirit in her. Right now she's comfortable and confident in her own skin, and I just want to protect that. I want her to love being Her. To love the Plan that's been laid for her. To love the moments she's given, and feel the Blessings in her Life.

I know these are little things, but they are big in her 7-year-old world. Remember being 7? I do, and I remember those disappointments like it was yesterday. My mom would tell me that "everything happens for a reason," or "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger," and I've passed along that wisdom to Madison. It's still a yucky feeling though. The yuckiest feeling ever.