I've heard people-other parents-talk about their kids going through this or that phase. I've also wondered what that meant really. How did they know the kid would just grow out of it. How did they not just freak out because the kid was acting so terrible all the time? Is there a list of these so-called phases I can refer to? Because, man, Madison is wearing me out.For the past 2 or 3 weeks, she has learned some sassy and perfected its usage. From the moment the alarm goes off in the morning, she is on a mission to see just how far she can push her limits. We pick out clothes; they aren't sloppy enough. I tell her to make her bed; she wallows on it in protest. We make breakfast; she doesn't like it. I tell her to put on a coat; she hates coats...and that's just in the first 30 minutes of the day. When she gets home she protests doing homework (which is usually just reading-only her FAVORITE THING TO DO EVER.). She changes clothes, throws them on the floor, and within minutes her room is a disaster area. Every night we clear the chaos, and every night she's writhing in fit that she "has to do so much". "So much" like putting her laundry away, bathing, and cleaning up her barbies.
The attitude spilled into school this last week, and she pulled her card 3 times-each for something different, but the underlying theme was not listening. Today in church she reverted to 2 year old behavior literally crawling on the floor, and the cherry on the Sunday of the day was her behavior in Bealls. According to Todd, she demanded some horse toy, stating that "she wasn't leaving until he bought it for her," and when he wouldn't, that "he was the worst daddy ever."
Believe me, during all of this sassy crap there have been MAJOR consequences, but I have to wonder if it is getting through. I was expecting this kind of irrational hormonal behavior in about 5 years-not in second grade. To top it off-I have a hard time relating because I was not this kind of kid. At all. I was the quiet-always-wanting-to-please kid. Not the wheels-off-this-is-my-life-kind-of-kid. I can't help but question my own parenting skills, and hope that I'm somehow handling this the right way.
On the flip side, in one of our many discussions on this topic, Todd mentioned that though they have their (many) faults, all our kids seem to have their own voice and to be comfortable in their own skin-a quality I still haven't mastered. So, I'll keep that in mind as we work through this phase and hope we all come out of it saner, closer, and maybe even a little more comfortable. In the words of my mom, "this too shall pass." Right?
7 comments:
The first 30 minutes sound like my 3 1/2 year old! YIKES! I am in for a rough ride!
i know. any advice for me? i was hoping for some pats that yes this is indeed a phase. :(
I keep thinking if I just stick with the routine, one day she will get it! Each day (minus MONDAYS) she gets better. BABY STEPS!!!
It's a phase, that's the good news. Now for the bad...with our little strong-minded girls the phase apparently lasts a lifetime! Just the messenger and telling you what I've been told - don't shoot! On a brighter note, your husband is correct...they feel confident enough to stand up for what they want or believe in.
Pick your battles. My daughter insists on fixing her own hair and dressing herself. She's a mis-matched mess some mornings, but in the big scheme of things what does it really hurt. As long as it's not picture day, ya know?
My daughter will be nine tomorrow and I have to say it's gotten better over the past 2 years (or, maybe I've grown more tolerant). We don't seem to have the major melt-downs like before, but we do have our moments when I do have to bring the hammer down on her happy little sassy butt.
She is old enough to understand what she is doing, so I say she is old enough to have a "come-to-Jesus" meeting and we do - pretty often! We have the "your-a-part-of-this-family-and-have-responsibilities" speech and we have the "I'm-the-adult-you-are-the-child" talk, too. These talks do more than spanking. I tried it and it just makes things worse with her. Some kids need a good whack on their backside, so I'm not against it. It just doesn't work for us. Grounding works if I can find something she cares about. She doesn't care about much. She's kinda laid back and can go with the flow on stuff like that. She's happy as a lark to be grounded to her room with only her books to read. That's not punishment when they enjoy it. Take her tv away? No big deal. I take her NintendoDS away...no biggie there either. Take her priveleges away such as picking out her clothes - now you've got something there. We've got a winner!
2 weeks ago we had what is probably the biggest incident so far. She got sassy with me, asked me if I was "stupid"? in the drop off line at school. After I picked my mouth up off the floor and could speak...I was calm and told her that we would talk about her punishment when she got home from school that day. I came home, got my army of back-ups in place....I emailed her teacher, called her Grandma (Neenie) that she was going to go see that evening (yeah, safe to say that didn't happen!) Thankfully, her Neenie understood. Her teacher gave her extra work, she didn't get to go to recess with her friends and instead she got a "talking to" from her teacher. Then I spent the rest of the day removing everything from her room...she had 1 pillow and her bedding. No toys, no clothes, no TV, no books, no Webkinz, nothing. She is currently earning all of her things back piece by piece (and very slowly, at that) and her chores have doubled. 2 weeks later I have a different child. I should have blogged about it - it has been a major transformation and I have to check myself daily and continue with the "I'm the Momma - not her little buddy" at least for right now.
Years ago after my divorce I went through Divorce care at church and then they gave a parenting class. It was Kevin Lehman's, "Making Your Child Mind Without Losing Your's". Not 100% sure on that title, but it's close. Anyway, it works and I'm constantly going back to the methods I learned in that class. That Dr. Lehman is a smart man!
I have a cute, sassy, loveable, thoughtful child, but sometimes her sassy factor trips my tolerance meter and "it's ON!" I would suggest you get that book or ask your church if they have the DVD set. It's SOOOO worth it.
Bottom line is you have to kind of experiment and see what works for you and her to get her back on track. Good luck!
See Madison is not he only girl out there like that. There is probably an army of them. Kill me now!
Its not just a girl thing! Believe me! LOL
Just wait till junior high...you will look back at these days with longing. Gator has it right. Pick your battles. Let her dress herself and stop the morning battles. My daughter was in kindergarten when I recieved that advice and I am very thankful it was shared. She is a grown, lovely, independent woman now! And sometimes I even long for those jr. high days.
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